I just turned 40 this month. And I saw someone the other day ask on Facebook, what’s one piece of advice you would give your younger self? And I thought, my younger self was a stubborn ass and had to learn everything the hard way. But then after a conversation with one of my children, I got to thinking, would there be anything I could tell that might help younger me?

So this is it. This short essay is the answer, but really it all comes down to one line:

It is dangerous to believe everything you think.

No matter what you think of yourself, every person you meet thinks you are a different person than you do. Even the casual or passive encounter, has a model of you in their head, a projection of what they think about you and what your reality means to them. They may love you or curse you, or simply want to get around you in the grocery aisle. But no matter what you think of yourself, every person you meet thinks you are a different person than you do.

This is why it is dangerous to believe everything you think.  

We are wrong all the time. Our brains see patterns in things that aren’t there. We see the closet monster or the coat hanging on the chair in the dead of night and feel dread and fear. We see a text message and assume it means one thing when it means another. We will take insult when none was offered. We are wrong all the time.

This is why it is dangerous to believe everything you think.  

We are myth-making machines. We make myths of the day ins and days out of our lives. We talk about how wonderful or terrible it was that something happened to us. Is happening to us. Will happen to us. We will be epic heroes cheered by crowds and perhaps an attractive mate, or victims of grave injustice, but always the starring role of any scene. Because in myth it’s often a lone hero saving the day. We are myth-making machines.

This is why it is dangerous to believe everything you think.  

Stories are symbols of the real. No story you tell is ever real, it is only your model, your projection of the real from your perspective. But your perspective has been shaped from the moment you drew breath. Every experience, every bit of culture taught to you, has shaped the way you approach a topic, a moment, or even an emotion. Stories are symbols of the real.

This is why it is dangerous to believe everything you think.

Our emotions possess us sometimes. They take away our sense of proportion. They make you eat more, or eat less. Sometimes we welcome that possession in some dark corner of our mind, addicted to our outrage, or fear, or sadness. Or emotions can be like a stranger, climbing inside of you and taking the reins until they are burned out, and then we are left standing with the mess they have made. In one moment, we can undo years of work, trust, or effort or even destroy lives. Our emotions possess us sometimes.

This is why it is dangerous to believe everything you think.

We are all traumatized, at least a little. Some of us carry around gaping holes in our stomachs from the emotional damage that life thrust upon us. Others carry a hundred smaller wounds, that while not deep, still leave scar tissue. And so, we see through the lens of our pain and misfortune. Our brain prefers a negative bias, because, after all, it kept us alive in ancient times, to assume the worst of everything. So we are stuck with a brain wired to fixate on our suffering and sometimes seek our own dissatisfaction. We are all traumatized, at least a little.

This is why it is dangerous to believe everything you think.