Ache in the Bones.

It’s been quite a while since I did any poetry or artwork, so, here’s some new stuff. I call this one Ache in the Bones


Ache in the Bones

Aching Bones

My bones ache,

And it’s something I can barely take.   

But I look at myself and try to break from the heartaches and earthquakes of those woes and worries that I just can’t seem to shake.  

Do I enjoy them?

Do I employ my messes to solve my problems and downplay the stresses?  

Or do I conjure up more problems and conundrums, unsolvable riddles and endless questions

Do I ignore the suggestions?

See?

I see.

I see what I do,

I know what I’ve been through and am starting to understand the things that I do

To increase my own suffering and the karma that I accrue

Programmed

It’s the underlying program at work,

It’s the ways that I was a jerk,

Or the way that I lurked around my own blindspots to ignore to rot

Most of my life I followed the toxic attitudes I was taught,

Never letting myself see the light,

Instead, I fight

I fight for the right to bury my head in the sand, rather than expand

My mind, or maybe find the things that I hide behind

You just gotta move forward?

What’s forward is back,

How can you choose to move forward when you’re stuck on the wrong track?

You gotta attack those toxic flashbacks if you wanna bounce back from the blackest night

If you ever want to be alright

What happened to me wasn’t my fault

But that doesn’t mean I have to keep pouring salt, on the wounds from the assault

If I just live in default mode and lock it in a vault, how can I ever erode the pain or decode this heavy load?

Healing’s a lot of guesswork,

Like I’m not even supposed to be here, I’m just an innocent clerk

But That’s my party pity, my last attempt being witty

Before I deal with the pain…

But trauma? Trauma is like an oncoming train, and you can’t refrain from standing on the tracks that live deep inside your brain

But it’s just a game, just some lame excuse to frame my history in an event to pretend like some of it was a mystery

Things happen to us.

But we happen to others too.

Recovery from trauma might make you feel pretty blue, maybe you can barely stand the things you went through or the debts you accrued

But that doesn’t mean I can take it out on others,

Others are my sisters and brothers

On the path

And can you do the math? If we keep walking this path, we’ll face the wrath

Of our actions, of our overreactions and we will find ourselves making factions, rather than taking the course that leads to the best actions for all beings

I’m far from perfect, but I’m practicing seeing,

Practicing just being,

To be a better human being.



Strange Reflections a new serial on Patreon

 

Strange Reflections Cover

I just launched a new serial story on my Patreon page.  For those of you who don’t know already, some of my stories are either exclusive to Patreon or early access for Patreon Subscribers.

My new serial, titled Strange Reflections, departs a bit from science fiction and delves into a world of horror and mystery.

A short blurb:

A reoccurring nightmare, a library full of occult books, and a strange underground passage, for Amanda it’s only the beginning.

Check out my Patreon Page where you can find this story and one other from the world of the Chronicles of the Great Migration! 

Cover Art for Upon Stilted Cities: Winds of Change

Special thanks for the remarkable work of Gabriel Perez an amazing Sci-Fi artist! The cover art of Upon Stilted Cities: The Winds of Change is here! Some sample Chapters are below, but remember they contain spoilers for Mimi of the Nowhere (which you can get here) so be warned.

Blurb: 

Forty Years after the events of Mimi of the Nowhere the city of Manhasten is in danger. It just doesn’t know it yet. An organization known as the Children of Gaia has returned from the ancient past and destroyed the city of Langeles. Resurrected and more powerful than ever, their leader is hell-bent on destroying every single remaining city that roams the earth. At the center of it all, is one man, a man as ancient as the city of Manhasten itself, a man designated, Runner 17.

Final Cover!!!!

Sample Chapters 

Prologue and Chapter 1 Here (No Spoilers there to worry about)

Chapter 2: A Return to Nowhere (Spoilers Here) 

 

Solitary Spring

Poem and Artwork are titled Solitary Spring

Solitary Spring

Solitary Spring

Let me tell you my secrets
Shall we unearth them?
Unbury the bones?
Expose the truth?

All winter I lay dormant
Scratching madly at the lid of my coffin
Until my fingers bleed
Until I am ready to peel back the skin
And let the bones leave their marks

Sometimes I need that pain,
Skin raw, muscles exposed
Salt in the open wound,
Cold on warm skin
A taste of madness
An itch I must scratch

At least until,
A single ray of sun
Pierces my resting place
A hint of air
Grants me a breath

I push my way up,
Through wood and earth
I paint with blood
A unique language
An epic tale

Bracing my bones,
There is no one else to help me,
Not really
I am a wanderer
A Self-Made Sorcerer
Apprentice of Death laying dormant

I widen the hole,
fingers clawing for greater purchase
My fist bursts forth into the crisp spring air
And I taste hints of winter’s recent passage

I gulp
Stealing the scent of flowers
I am thief
But a professional

I push my wounded hands upward
Splinters become my bones
They take root and begin to grow
Small sprouts
Budding

I emerge
Only bones without flesh
I drag out my remains out and lay flat
Warming in the sun
I could go back
But I stay
Despite great danger

That air,
Those flowers,
New growth in my bones
The glimpse of a clear blue sky,
All tempt me

And who am I to resist the temptress?

A Few Thoughts Before Dreaming

Thoughts Before DreamingA Few Thoughts Before Dreaming

Pigeons shitting on the car.
Streaks of white,
Cleaned off,
To happen again,
So much for the car wash.

The gum I stepped in,
A faithful passenger,
Creating sticky situations,
And semi-sucking noises.
No ninja here.

The beautiful stranger who smiled at me,
Sending transmissions like shockwaves.
Envisioning the possibility of love and marriage and happiness,
A tale of forever…
Followed by inevitable divorce.

Socks getting lost in blankets.
Tossing.
Turning.
Mind wandering to extravagant places with unfortunate problems.
A sigh,
An unpaid bill.
A sigh,
Things left undone.
A sigh,
Things left unsaid.

Then,
A deep breath.
I listen,
For the stillness,
For the wind,
For the hint of raindrops,
For the naked air wrapped in a cloak of day and night
In it, I find the beating of my own heart,
Matched with the music of the leaves outside,
Gently rustling.
Just a little song.
I remember beauty.
I remember love.
I remember life.
As my eyes slip shut.

 

A Reliable Cycle

A Reliable CycleA Reliable Cycle

Car stalls.
Stillness in the early morning.
No sun yet.
Fog and cloud mingle with the full moon like tendrils grasping for possession.
I wait.
Engine turns over.
On the road again.
The moon devoured.
A sky bound feeding frenzy.
Deep darkness.
Car stalls.
5 miles to go
I wait.
Engine turns over.
On the road again.
The moon escapes the maw.
It makes a dash for freedom.
The tendrils lose their grip.
Moon slides behind a mountain.
I am jealous.
No reprieve for me.
Car stalls.
2 miles to go
I wait.
Engine turns over.
On the road again.
The sun paints the sky with its morning yawn.
Color at war with the vast armies of the night.
A reliable cycle.
A predictable outcome.
Car Stalls.
A half mile to go.
I wait.
Engine turns over.
On the road again.
The sun douses me with its first light.
I am radiant.
I am blinded.
I am almost there.
50 feet to go.
Car stalls.